Chapter Two: When I Pray in Faith

I kneel to pray ev’ry day.

I speak to Heav’nly Father.

He hears and answers me

When I pray in faith.

Children’s Songbook, 14, “I Pray in Faith”

When I was five and six years old, my older brothers, Craig and Josh, were turning 12. And in preparation for them receiving the Aaronic priesthood, my parents spent many Family Home Evenings talking about gaining a testimony. They taught so clearly that I felt it was imperative to gain a testimony for myself. But I wasn’t quite sure what a testimony was or how to get it. Regardless, they invited me and my brothers to start praying to know if the Church and Book of Mormon were true, and if Joseph Smith was a prophet. 

So, I added knowing if the Church was true to my nightly prayers. I had a list of things I usually included every night. And, as you might imagine a six-year-old’s nightly prayers might consist of, it included: 1) asking God to watch over the kitten we lost the year before and bring her back, or at least help her find a good home that would love her; 2) letting Momio know that I loved and missed her very, very, very, very much (I counted the very’s on my fingers to make sure there were 10 each time); and now 3) knowing if the Church and Book of Mormon were true, and if Joseph Smith was a prophet. I also included whatever six-year-old concern I had at the time: a skinned knee, asking for help to be better at listening to my parents, and so on.

This formulaic prayer routine went on for weeks, perhaps months, with some variations and additions. One night, I remember sobbing, probably over a fight with my brothers or perceived great injustice in my young life. I climbed the ladder to my top bunk and began to choke out my usual evening prayer between sobs. 

“And please… wail... let Momio know…. sob... that I love her… blubber... very, very much… Please… snort... bless Midnight…. wipe... my lost kitty… And please… wimper... help me to know… snivel... if the church is true…”

And then the oddest thing happened. As soon as I said those last few words, my internal emotional state shifted. What had seemed a tumultuous hysterical sea of emotions became a great calm. An internal peace and stillness settled in and I stopped crying. I remember being surprised but not really knowing what to make of it.

Months later, my Nana, my father's mother and a treasured friend in my youth, invited me to spend the night at her house. After she read me some bedtime stories and was tucking me into the spare bed she had folded out in the guest room, we got talking. She was one of those special people that made whoever she was talking with feel like the most important person in the world. I opened up and shared the experience I had a few months before. She turned to me and said, “Meriah, that’s a testimony.” My eyes lit up. I had a testimony! I asked Nana if she would come up with me at the next Fast Sunday to help me bear my testimony during fast and testimony meeting. She said she would.

I share this experience because it shows how much God loves and is aware of even the smallest child in the furthest corner of the world. The Lord knew what was ahead of me in just a few short years, and He wanted to reach my heart before it may have been too distant, hurt, or bitter. I am forever grateful for the sweet comfort of the Spirit that night, for the loving guidance of my grandmother, and for the testimony that God is real and knows and loves me. That testimony has supported me through many difficult days to come, even in my adult years.

Because of this tender mercy, I already had my big questions about the truthfulness of the Book of Mormon and The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints resolved in my mind. Later, when I started bringing questions to Heavenly Father that I couldn’t answer, they were more questions about reconciliation of beliefs and how to live the gospel in difficult circumstances. But we'll get to those later.

For know, I hope you remember, dear reader, the Lord is preparing children, youth, and adults young and old for what may lie ahead. He knows and loves each of us. Children are facing more and more challenges of all kinds -- political unrest, violence, hunger, displaced and broken families, abuse of all kinds. But God is a God of miracles. He is aware of each and every one of his smallest children. And He will prepare a way to reach their hearts too.