Welcome: But a Small Moment

Let no man count them as small things; for there is much which lieth in futurity, pertaining to the saints, which depends upon these things.

You know, brethren, that a very large ship is benefited very much by a very small helm in the time of a storm, by being kept workways with the wind and the waves.

D&C 123:15-16

I love the idea that our lives are simply a series of small moments strung together. Some are pleasant, many mundane, and still others are painful and uncomfortable.

I was 8 years old when I first visited Liberty Jail. It was the summer after 2nd grade, the summer we moved houses and I changed schools. That summer my parents packed up my five siblings and me in a 40-foot motorhome and took us on a tour across the US visiting church history sites for 5 weeks. It was also the summer that, days before our trip, my cousin had locked me in his garage and sexually molested me. I didn’t put it together until my adult years that all these things happened the same summer. Our minds can have selective memory at times. 

I remember snippets here and there of our church history tour. The Sacred Grove and Niagara Falls of Upstate New York. Playing Skip Bo with my grandfather before the Cumorah Pageant. The tour of the upper rooms of the Kirtland Temple by a member of the RLDS Church. The swarms of Mormon flies on the outside of buildings in muggy Nauvoo. Reenactments of the blacksmith or a tour of the red brick store. Walking around the foundation stones of the then-vacant Nauvoo Temple site. The statue of Joseph and Hyrum at Carthage Jail. My little sister getting lost, then found again, before the Nauvoo Pageant. 

I enjoyed the small moments of spending time with my family, or the sense of adventure while exploring new places. But I also remember spending a lot of that trip quiet, thinking. 

Most people talk about what a profound experience they had in the Sacred Grove. And I was hoping for that. I wanted some experience that reassured me God knew me, that He was aware of me. But it didn’t come in the way I was hoping. It was peaceful, but not profound. 

It wasn’t until the near the end of the trip, when my family visited Liberty Jail, that I received the spiritual experience I was hoping for. As we toured the jail, our tour guide shared facts and experiences. Then, as the rest of the tour turned to leave, something inside me whispered to linger. 

So I lingered at the back of the tour group, sitting with the quiet of the then-empty jail. Amid the deep yearning of that moment, I felt a sense of peace and love. I sensed how aware the Lord was of the Prophet Joseph during this trying time of his life. And yet, in this moment, it was all made okay. The jail was a small confine, isolated on the lone prairie, once occupied by ugly people. But here the ugliness was transformed, made beautiful by the lessons learned and power of God manifest within its walls. Perhaps the Spirit spoke some peace to my heart at that moment too, some small reassurance that God knew me and could also take my Liberty Jails, my deepest challenges and struggles, and turn them for my benefit. 

That is what I hope to do here. Share these small, quiet moments where God is able to take the imperfect, messy parts of life and make them beautiful, turn them for our gain and the benefit of others.

I don’t have to have a beautiful bow tied on every experience, and that’s okay. I don’t have to have all the answers, for myself or others. But I hope by being present in the experience and honest about its ugliness and difficulty, I can gain something from the experience. And in this pursuit, I hope to share honestly in a way that can benefit others and provide connection and beauty.