Thoughts on Repentance
Below is a talk I gave on repentance in several wards in my stake in 2024.
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Today I would like to share some thoughts on a topic I've been studying recently, something I've primarily needed to learn and practice for myself. I pray the Spirit is able to teach you what you need to hear.
PGM defines repentance as, “the process of turning to God and turning away from sin. As we repent, our actions, desires, and thoughts change to be more in harmony with God’s will… Repentance is much more than exercising willpower to change a behavior or overcome a weakness. Repentance is sincerely turning to Christ, who gives us the power to experience a 'mighty change' in our hearts… Through repentance, we develop a fresh view of God, ourselves, and the world.”
In Handbook 32.1, it says, “Repentance is more than changing behavior. It is turning away from sin and toward Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ. It leads to a change of heart and mind. Through repentance, we become new persons, reconciled to God.”
From these definitions we can pull two main points about repentance:
Repentance involves an inward change that then influences outward behavior.
As we repent, we see ourselves and God with a fresh view, as we truly are.
Sometimes we have some misconstrued ideas about repentance. In April 2019, President Nelson said, “Too many people consider repentance as punishment—something to be avoided except in the most serious circumstances. But this feeling of being penalized is engendered by Satan. He tries to block us from looking to Jesus Christ, who stands with open arms, hoping and willing to heal, forgive, cleanse, strengthen, purify, and sanctify us.”
I grew up with the 5 R’s of repentance: 1) recognizing I’d done something wrong; 2) remorse, or feeling sorry for what I’ve done; 3) restitution, or trying to make it right; 4) relating, or confessing my sin to God and a priesthood leader if needed; and 5) resolving not to do it again.
Repentance was something I did when I did something wrong or was caught red-handed. I believed God kept a tally mark of my sins, and I had to repent to appease God so He would erase some of those tally marks. I felt like I had to make it right before I went to God to show Him how I’d already fixed everything.
Although this simple model can be helpful for primary children, what if we changed some of the order of those steps? What if we moved confessing to God and asking for His help up to step two, right after we recognized we’d done something wrong? Or even to step one? What if we asked God to reveal ways we could improve and prayed for help to make it right?
In this order, repentance would look more like the 12 steps, where we 1) recognized we needed to change but couldn’t do it on our own, 2) chose to believe God loved us and could help us make it right, and 3) turned our lives and will over to Him. In fact, making amends to other people doesn’t come until step 9.
First, let’s consider repentance as an inward change that influences external behavior.
We love the stories of Alma and Paul and their miraculous conversions. Although their conversions were dramatic and public, the internal process of repentance they went through was lifelong and perhaps less visible to the outside observer. Years after his miraculous conversion, Alma the Younger said, “Yea, and from that time even until now, I have labored without ceasing…” (Alma 36:24). It seems however fast or slow one’s conversion process is, the commitment to repent and change and grow requires an ongoing process.
This ongoing process of change is about getting a little better every day. Elder Michael A. Dunn, in his October 2021 General Conference talk “One Percent Better,” shared a story of the British cycling team that “had been the laughingstock of the cycling world.” Elder Dunn says, “...despite devoting enormous resources into cutting-edge technology and every newfangled training regimen, nothing worked.” Then, in 2003, the team hired a new coach, Sir Dave Brailsford. Elder Dunn continues, “Unlike previous coaches who attempted dramatic, overnight turnarounds, Sir Brailsford instead committed to a strategy he referred to as ‘the aggregation of marginal gains.’ This entailed implementing small improvements in everything. That meant constantly measuring key statistics and targeting specific weaknesses. This broader, more holistic view avoids the trap of being myopically fixated on just the obvious problem or sin at hand. Said Brailsford, ‘The whole principle came from the idea that if you broke down everything you could think of that goes into riding a bike, and then improved it by 1 percent, you will get a significant increase when you put them all together.’... But what if we applied that same principle to… repentance? Rather than being stymied by the churn and dramatic swings between sin and repentance, what if our approach was to narrow our focus—even as we broadened it? Instead of trying to perfect everything, what if we tackled just one thing?”
Stuck with where to start or overwhelmed by what to do first? Ask the Lord. Focus on one thing at a time. Ask God, What is the one thing you’d like me to work on this week? Pray to find out during sacrament meeting every week. And then report back every night to God. He knows us perfectly and can lovingly help us break it down into manageable steps. He wants nothing more for us to return to Him, and He will do all he can to help us repent and grow, if we ask him.
Second, repentance is a fresh view of God and of ourselves.
Sometimes we have wrong or mistaken views of God or ourselves that prevent us from truly changing. Perhaps we see God as some authoritarian drill sergeant who we can never please. Or perhaps we see God as permissive and lackadaisical, who carelessly waves off our mistakes. Perhaps we have built up some carefully constructed denial patterns about ourselves that keep us comfortable in who and where we are. We need to pray for the Lord to help us clearly see who we are, who we can become, and how we can get there.
We recently read a great example of this at the beginning of the book of Mosiah. In Mosiah 1-5, King Benjamin teaches the people of Zarahemla some truths about themselves that then lead to their repentance and conversion.
Mosiah 2
23 And now, in the first place, he hath created you, and granted unto you your lives, for which ye are indebted unto him.
24 And secondly, he doth require that ye should do as he hath commanded you; for which if ye do, he doth immediately bless you; and therefore he hath paid you. And ye are still indebted unto him, and are, and will be, forever and ever; therefore, of what have ye to boast?
25 And now I ask, can ye say aught of yourselves? I answer you, Nay. Ye cannot say that ye are even as much as the dust of the earth; yet ye were created of the dust of the earth; but behold, it belongeth to him who created you.
26 And I, even I, whom ye call your king, am no better than ye yourselves are; for I am also of the dust. And ye behold that I am old, and am about to yield up this mortal frame to its mother earth.
King Benjamin taught his people about their mortal predicament, that despite status or rank, we were all lower than the dust of the earth and would die. And despite the amount of good we do, we would forever be indebted to God.
The effect of this teaching on the minds and hearts of his people is recorded in Mosiah 4:2:
And they had viewed themselves in their own carnal state, even less than the dust of the earth. And they all cried aloud with one voice, saying: O have mercy, and apply the atoning blood of Christ that we may receive forgiveness of our sins, and our hearts may be purified; for we believe in Jesus Christ, the Son of God, who created heaven and earth, and all things; who shall come down among the children of men.
The footnote for “viewed themselves in their own carnal state” cross references to “poor in spirit.” Perhaps part of having a broken heart and contrite spirit is clearly viewing ourselves and our mortal predicament for what it is, and recognizing how wholly dependent we are on God’s grace and the Savior’s atoning sacrifice.
Seeing ourselves clearly, as God sees us, involves seeing: 1) the ways we need to improve, and 2) the divine potential God sees in each of us. When we see ourselves as God truly sees us, as these beings with divine potential and what God wants us to work on next to grow closer to that, it is encouraging, not disheartening. Repentance becomes a joy.
During this repentance process, the people of Zarahemla sought forgiveness for their sins. They didn’t just repent and apologize, they actively asked for forgiveness. They also asked for their hearts to be purified. They wanted a change of heart, for their desires and intentions to become pure and what God desires. Finally, they affirmed their faith in Jesus Christ, through whom repentance and forgiveness are possible.
King Benjamin gives a great summary of the repentance process in Mosiah 4:5-7:
5 For behold, if the knowledge of the goodness of God at this time has awakened you to a sense of your nothingness, and your worthless and fallen state— [aka. If you see yourselves as you truly are]
6 I say unto you, if ye have come to a knowledge of the goodness of God, and his matchless power, and his wisdom, and his patience, and his long-suffering towards the children of men [aka. If you see God as He truly is]; and also, the atonement which has been prepared from the foundation of the world, that thereby salvation might come to him that should put his trust in the Lord, and should be diligent in keeping his commandments, and continue in the faith even unto the end of his life, I mean the life of the mortal body—
7 I say, that this is the man who receiveth salvation…
The people of Zarahemla saw their weaknesses, frailties, reliance on God, and it led to humility, repentance, and trust on the Lord. They also saw God as He was, for his goodness, patience, and long-suffering.
This true repentance caused an inward change that then caused a change in outward behavior in the people of Zarahemla. In Mosiah 5:2, we read:
And they all cried with one voice, saying: Yea, we believe all the words which thou hast spoken unto us; and also, we know of their surety and truth, because of the Spirit of the Lord Omnipotent, which has wrought a mighty change in us, or in our hearts, that we have no more disposition to do evil, but to do good continually.
There are two great obstacles to repentance: perfectionism and pride.
I would like to take a few minutes to talk about perfectionism.
Perfectionism inhibits repentance because it is more concerned about external outcomes than internal changes. Pride is more concerned about who gets the credit and seeks to portray a false sense of self.
Dr. Craig Manning, a sports psychologist at BYU, states this same principle as task versus outcome orientation. In his book “The Fearless Mind,” he writes:
“Task-oriented behavior is also known as performance orientation… [and implies] behaviors or actions that are directly related to the task at hand and not the individual. For example, they say, ‘I want to hit my forehand consistently crosscourt with good spin’; ‘I want to stay focused on what to do under pressure’; ‘I want to catch anything that I get a finger on today.’
“Ego oriented behavior is also known as outcome orientation… [and implies] attention directed toward the result. For example, ‘I have to win today or else’; … ‘We are going to win the tournament this week, or else my coach isn’t going to think much of me.’
“Task-oriented individuals… play because competition is fun and enjoyable. They enjoy seeing what they can do under pressure. [They] seem to stay very focused on the present; hence, they experience fewer signs of fear…
“Ego-oriented individuals… play to avoid embarrassment – meaning they play not to lose. They are often preoccupied with the future and with what others may think of them. They act like the weight of the world is on their shoulders.”
Dr. Manning shares an experience when he was hired to work with tennis players of a college team. While working with one mediocre tennis player (one that the coaches told him not to spend much time on), he found she had amazing task-orientation. She was always asking what she could improve and enjoyed the process of mastering her craft. Because of her task-orientation (or growth mindset, as some call it), she often played in flow, was present-oriented, and despite being 43rd in the district, found herself in a match playing against a player ranked 5th. As the match progressed, the task-oriented player stayed focused on her craft and enjoying the game, and consequently started winning the match. Halfway through, she realized she could win, and switched from a task-orientation to an outcome-orientation. Her thoughts turned to the future, what others might think if she won, and she started exhibiting fear of losing. Her opponent caught on to her fear and started to perform better, pulling ahead. It wasn’t until the outranked player turned to her coach and honestly asked, “What can I do better?” that she was able to shift back into a task-orientation mindset and focus on what she had worked so hard on, what she could control in the present, and how much she loved her sport.
Similarly, outcome-orientation, or being concerned with how the world might perceive us, prevents us from truly mastering and enjoying the many lessons life has to offer. It is only when we turn to our coach, the Savior, and ask, “What can I do better?” that we shift our mindset to this present moment, the present task at hand, and the ways we are learning and growing, regardless of other people. We break free of our ego or need for external outcomes and validation, and instead focus on our individual relations with God and our Redeemer.
It doesn’t matter how good you’ve been in the past, what matters is if you are right before the Lord now. Alma’s question, “If you’ve felt to sing the song of redeeming love… can you feel so now?” If not, perhaps you need to repent. Ask the Lord what you can improve to feel that again.
I teach piano lessons to a few young students. And nothing hurts my heart more than seeing my beginning piano student groan in frustration and start over every time she plays a wrong note, especially in a song she’s only just starting to learn. She once told me she doesn’t like practicing new songs at home because she’s afraid of playing wrong notes. This focus on flawlessness actually inhibits her from practicing new, more difficult pieces, the very thing she needs in order to improve.
In his book “The Perfect Wrong Note,” William Westney shares an experience as a young student playing for a new, highly-accomplished piano teacher in their first lesson together. Despite playing one of his favorite pieces and being well-rehearsed, he hit a sour note at one point. He was embarrassed and went back to correct it. However, to his surprise, his new teacher stopped him and said, “Hey, don’t fix it; if you’re going to make a mistake, why not make a nice, big, fat juicy one?”
William Westney goes on to note there is a difference between honest and careless mistakes. And although I generally think we should avoid most careless mistakes in life, what if we allowed ourselves the freedom to make more honest mistakes? I’m not suggesting we intentionally play wrong notes. But what if we allowed those mistakes to teach us something? “I keep missing the Eb in that part.” And instead of being judgmental, we became curious about it. “I have a really hard time thinking nice things about that person. Why is that?” Repentance can be an exciting exploratory process as well.
As we seek to repent, it is beneficial for us to distinguish weaknesses and sins. In her book “Weakness is Not Sin,” Dr. Wendy Ulrich says:
“Weakness is inherent in the mortal body – which is fashioned from the elements of the earth, shaped by circumstances and experience, and subject to temptation, sickness, injury, fatigue, and death. Out of this general state of human weakness we experience specific weaknesses such as variations in mental or physical well-being, vulnerability to desires and appetites, predispositions to various physical and emotional states, or differing levels of talents or abilities. All these varying attributes come with the territory of having a mortal body.
“Sin is a state of rebellion against God. It almost always involves believing Satan over God about what is real, what is useful, or what will make us happy. It often entails self-centeredness, self-deception, and selfishness. Satan tempts us to rebel against God by playing to our weaknesses to entice us to sin. Our specific sins are the behaviors, thoughts, and attitudes that enact our choice to believe Satan over God about what is true, right, or helpful. Sin stops our progress in spiritual things and alienates us from the Spirit. Only by repenting of our sins – changing our minds, hearts, and behaviors – can we access the Atonement of Christ and qualify for forgiveness.”
Because weakness is inherent in the mortal condition, we all experience weakness (or weaknesses) of varying sizes and qualities. Weakness and mortal limitations are a part of life. Even Christ experienced them. God is less concerned about our weakness and more concerned about what we do with them. Do we seek to cover them up, ignore them, or justify them? Do we compare ourselves to others and say at least we don’t struggle with x, y, or z? Or do we turn to God in our weakness, and humbly seek His added help and strength? We can turn to God and honestly share our struggles instead of seeking to hide or distance ourselves.
In closing, I would like to share the effects of repentance on the people of Zarahemla. In Mosiah 4:3 we read:
And it came to pass that after they had spoken these words the Spirit of the Lord came upon them, and they were filled with joy, having received a remission of their sins, and having peace of conscience, because of the exceeding faith which they had in Jesus Christ who should come, according to the words which king Benjamin had spoken unto them.
After their sincere repentance, the people of Zarahemla received a remission of sins, and that brought joy and peace of conscience.
The Lord wants us to have that same joy. He stands ready to give us a remission of sins, if we repent and ask for forgiveness, desire a change of heart, and continually seek to see ourselves and God as we truly are.
In the name of Jesus Christ. Amen.